Posted on Apr 01,2022
How To Establish Harmonious Relationship With Your Parents
It says that as we start growing old we come closer to our parents because we can relate to their struggles more. We know how difficult it is to survive in corporate and society to meet our needs, and if we too are parents we immerse in the feeling of gratitude towards them. Indeed, with each passing event of our life, we keep developing respect for them but sometimes we don’t know how to express it. Moreover, we usually are distant from our parents due to careers and family, which makes it difficult to spend time with them. At the same time, some of us are still not able to outgrow our childhood traumas or don’t know how to tackle difficult parents. Which all together brings a lot of turmoil in the relationship between parents and adult kids and simply leaves us with regrets ones we realize we don’t have parents to form memories with.
The best part about having parents is the opportunity to amend things with them. So what if you are a thirty years old man who has never hugged his dad? Or a woman in her forties who finds it awkward to be BFFs with her mom? If you can grow the courage of breaking the ceiling, you will always find your parents standing there with huge smiles on their faces and ample love to love your hesitations. Moreover, we validate the toxic relationships between parents and children yet we highly advocate amendments between the two. Thus, if you are dealing with the bitter aloofness with your parents then this article will help you in calling them right off and schedule a weekend date with them.
Reasons why adult children resent their parents
● Parents are persistent in being correct
We all have unique memories of the past, including one that we shared. However, the parent has no right to their version as long as they insist on it. Accept their accounts as accurate for them.
● Parents haven’t outgrown the childhood image
He was a never-do-well, she was the decent girl, and he was the mediator. But now she's in charge of a multimillion-dollar budget, he's in charge of a responsible job, she's a shamble, and he's in the middle of every family feud. Parents often do not let their children outgrow what they were 10 years ago, resulting in a lot of tiffs.
● Parents do not respect their children’s spouse
As a new daughter- or son-in-law, your spouse may be hesitant to engage in the dysfunction that feels so natural to you since you didn't grow up under your parents' manipulations. When the parent who has always dominated you also expects to manage your spouse, it frequently leads to squabbles, smear campaigns, and small complaints in order to either drive the new son- or daughter-in-law into conformity or divorce them completely.
● Parents have a favourite child
Siblings in dysfunctional homes are given roles as scapegoats or golden children as early as elementary school. A golden kid rarely faces repercussions for wrongdoing and is frequently complimented and congratulated, whereas the scapegoat bears the majority of the punishments and bears the responsibility for the family's dysfunction.
Sings you need to consider for checking if not you are a toxic adult child
It is sheer stupidity to blame one side entirely, especially when you share a band as close as parent-child. No matter how badly they have treated you, the fact remains that nobody in the world will love you as much as them. Hence, the thing that you must keep in check is your own behaviour. Mentioned are a few points of a toxic family member you need to see if not residing in you. (Source)
● You give the silent treatment
Yes, mean statements may be hurtful, but your absence can be as well. It's a type of manipulation if you refuse to talk to your parents for hours (or even days) after a dispute. You'll be known for utilizing silence as a form of punishment and emotional control if you do it this way.
● You lie to your parents
Even if the deception doesn't directly touch or involve your parents, a lack of clarity about the truth causes uncertainty and fosters suspicion, leaving you wondering what else isn't true—especially when it happens again. It's even possible to cover up a lie with another lie. As a result, your parents are hesitant to put their faith in you.
● You turn the table in an argument
Instead of bringing up one of your parent's weaknesses during a dispute, you may distract attention by bringing up one of their flaws. If your parents express worry to a loved one about their drug misuse, they may respond with irrelevant charges that they are horrible parents.
● You use harsh language
This may appear to be the most obvious indicator of a toxic relationship, but it isn't if it has always been accepted as a regular part of your family dynamic. There are never any circumstances in which name-calling, bodily intimidation, or other types of domestic abuse are not at all acceptable, therefore it's better to avoid them.
How to build strong relationships with your parents as an adult kid
● Take responsibilities
When things go wrong, blaming others is one of the quickest ways to ruin a family. The sentence "the dreadful things that have happened in my family are beyond my control" will not apply in this situation. Your attitude is the aspect of yourself over which you have the most control. "Do I have to reply with displeasure or disagreement all of the time?" ask yourself. Is there ever a point at which I can just let it go? As a consequence, everything will become less complicated.
● Do not put pressure on yourself
Parents have high expectations of their children, so while you may have felt pressured as a child to excel in everything you did, such as getting top marks in school, it's vital to remember that it is finally the time when you have to make decisions that are right for you. Don't feel obligated to satisfy your parents; you are important as well.
● Fully accept them
To preserve a strong relationship with your parents, you must realize that they may do things you don't understand, but you must also allow them to be themselves. It doesn't imply you should treat them like a child just because you're an adult.
● Get a hand on a new skill together
Take on a different task with them while keeping their preferences in mind. Try a baking class, a fish tank workshop, or a crossword lesson together. When you work together on the same task, the same experiences you have will serve as a terrific bonding agent.
● Try to introduce some boundaries and abide by them
Even if you and your parents aren't constantly yelling at each other or upsetting one other, it's still a good idea to lay some ground rules for how you and your parents will interact as adults. If you feel like she's showing up at your house without an invitation, for example, you should discuss your expectations for how you'll spend all your time around each other.
● Express your gratitude often
Even if you are an adult who lives on your own, you still need your parents' help. A mother may no more cook for you or do your washing, and a dad may no longer be your vehicle's technician. Our parents, on the other hand, may be able to help you in a variety of ways. For example, your mother may be your free babysitter, or your dad could give you a ride to and from work while your car is being repaired. Even if you don't rely on your parents for much, your mother will prepare your favourite cookies when you come. It's critical to show your thanks for their help, whether it's big or just a random act of kindness.
● Forgive them and set yourself free
If your parents are like 99.9% of other parents on the planet, mom made errors and was not, and still isn't, flawless. It might be beneficial to concentrate on mending previous wounds while pursuing a good connection with your parents.
● Talk to one another like an adult talk to another
Parents and adult children are in danger of sliding into age-inappropriate communication patterns after decades of conversation. During arguments, adult children may slide into speaking and behaving younger than they are. In turn, parents might speak to their adult offspring as if they were kids, making improper requests or providing unwanted advice. If this occurs, both parents and children can take a step back and begin conversing in a more mature manner.
By following the mentioned advice, you can definitely build a strong relationship with your parents as an adult and would be able to cherish them more.